dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
