Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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