What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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