he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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