you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You need a sexual gate keeper
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
