He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
