google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Welp...herpes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Pants are for mortals
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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