all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
