I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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