U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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