idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
