If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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