I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
