she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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