Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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