I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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