Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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