It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
