whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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