i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
