Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
