If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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