sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm both gender and math confused
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
