Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
