how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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