I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
