You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
