Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
