I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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