just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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