we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Someone came in the potted fern
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
