and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize