I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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