i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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