apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
