Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
