Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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