dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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