so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize