Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize