yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
