She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
