Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
