i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im holly from the hills drunk
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
