so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
