drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
