I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
