I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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