I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
