i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
