May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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