By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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