It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
NoShamevember. You game?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
