It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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