Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
