I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
