I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
