So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
