The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
