Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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