It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize