i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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