I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
