So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
