I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
