Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if only i could text you this smell
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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