They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
