I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
