Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You're completely useless in the revolution.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
