I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
