I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
