If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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