dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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