I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
