come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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