Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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