Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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