4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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