And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found your dick twin last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
