Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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