im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
