And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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