I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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