you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
