I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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