dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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