I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize